Father’s Day has become the dreaded test of how well you actually know your Father. You probably know at least one of his hobbies, in which case you are going to go out and buy the least expensive accessory to compliment that activity. For example, if he likes smoking cigars, you will likely buy him a cigar cutter. If he enjoys bicycling, he will get a cool water bottle. But of course the laziest of them all; if he is an office worker; he will receive a tie.
Throughout this past year you have gotten to know Dads on TV a little bit more personally and could probably get them more heartfelt gifts than what you would give to your own fathers. It’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s just true. But getting your hands on some of those gifts might be a challenge; such as methylamine or an alibi.
As Father’s Day creeps up again it’s time to acknowledge the fathers that have made you all so very thankful for how ordinary your own fathers are. Here are just a few shout outs to the outrageous Fathers who made this previous year so memorable.
Are there spoilers to follow? Absolutely.
5. SCANDAL (Eli Pope): THE MURDERER
As the latest season of Scandal ends, fans were left with a rather sour taste in their mouths from the behavior of the father figures on the show; but it’s Eli Pope that takes the cake after this season finale. For those of you who don’t know Eli, he is a manipulative, scheming, and very intelligent man who is overprotective of his daughter Olivia. In some ways Eli just spoils his little girl rotten.
When she wants President Fitz to be reelected, Eli finds a way to get him another four years. If Olivia wants to forget everything and fly out of the country with a handsome man, her Dad will have the plane staged for takeoff the same day. Eli seems like he would be the father any girl would want, but there are some minor details that make him a less than desirable role model.
Eli hates President Fitz. He is convinced that Fitz has “taken” his daughter away from him. So to fulfill his daughters request and satisfy his hate for the Presidential nominee, Eli uses the most heartless strategy to win the election. By infecting the President’s son with a lethal virus, resulting in the child’s death hours later, Fitz was able to secure the sympathy vote from the nation and was reelected President.
After a lot of manipulation, Eli eventually earns the President’s trust and is assigned to be the Commander of a highly secretive agency again. Eli frames Olivia’s mother for the murder, Olivia hates herself not being able to prevent it, and then she flees the country immediately which is exactly what Eli wanted.
Eli obviously does not get the father of the year award, but let’s throw him a Participation Award just for trying.
4. REVENGE (David Clarke): THE INNOCENT
The father we have come to adore through the eyes of a damaged daughter has all of a sudden become a blur. The flashbacks of Amanda and her father running on the beach together and having cute conversations about how much they love each other “times infinity” have all gone to shit. The memories of her father’s loving and gentle personality are now questionable at best.
In the last episode of the season, Emily (formerly known as Amanda) is finally starting to feel victory over the war she has brought onto the Grayson family. Emily is attempting to clear her father’s name since he was wrongly accused of terrorism and allegedly murdered in prison.
But just as Emily nearly completes her objective, it becomes apparent that her father (David Clarke) has been alive this whole time. Why would he hide his existence from his daughter all this time? Has Emily done all this for nothing?!
None of this makes sense, so for that David Clarke has earned the Dead Beat Dad Award – pun intended.
3. LOUIE (Louis C.K.): THE REALIST
Louie C.K has become a very relatable father in the TV industry. He and his ex-wife have split custody of their children, so he’s typically left wondering what to do with them half of the time. Louie shines his brightest whenever he is trying to provide his kids a little insight.
He never gives advice that will create false hope or a sense of entitlement in his daughters. While most parents tell their kids that they can do anything when they grow up, Louie will be the parent telling his kids that they will likely be Accountants.
Here are a couple examples from the show:
“You’re never gonna get the same things as other people. It’s never gonna be equal. It’s not gonna happen ever in your life so, you must learn that now, okay?”
“The only time you should look in your neighbors bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbors bowl to see if you have as much as them.”
““I’m bored” is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. And even the inside of your own mind is endless. It goes on forever inwardly. Do you understand? Being the fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to be bored.”
Louis C.K.’s outlook on life may not be the most optimistic, but his stark realism is preparing his daughters for harsh realities of the world. He even manages to teach grown adults how to be a little better at life.
For that, Louis C.K. earns the 21st Century Father Award.
2. MAD MEN (Don Draper): THE STUD
Who wouldn’t want Don Draper as a Dad?! Besides being promiscuous, barely home, and drunk a lot, he would make a great father.
Don Draper has a very hard time balancing his work life, his sex life, and his home life. He can be forgiven on some accounts because his previous life had been a downhill slope of death, whores, and war, but you would think that these experiences would make him strive to be a better father. Unfortunately it has only resulted in him being a distant one.
At one point Don’s daughter walks in on him having sex with a neighbor and once again his sex life and home life become too closely intertwined. But it’s interesting to see that this scenario eventually brought them closer together after Don finally sits down with his daughter to have a conversation with her as a father figure. This is a positive change of pace since he usually just tries to make excuses for his poor behavior.
But with all that being said, he’s still hot, and for that we give him the DILF Award.
1. BREAKING BAD (Walter White): THE COOK
A Chemistry Teacher, A Drug Dealer, A Brother-In-Law, A Husband, but most of all a Father; many tears were shed the day that Breaking Bad ended and the story of Walter White had come to a close.
Walter took up the meth business after being diagnosed with cancer and swore that he was only doing it so he could leave behind a small fortune for his family after he died from his illness. But fans didn’t need to wait for the last episode to know that statement wasn’t “entirely” true.
Between producing the purest meth on the market, receiving a consistent cash flow by the millions, and enjoying the ego boosts that came with outsmarting the most diabolical players in the drug trade, it became increasingly harder for Walter to claim that he was just “providing for his family.”
When Walters exhilarating lifestyle came to a conclusion, all his noble deeds were unnoticed by his family, most of his drug money was nowhere to be found, and only a shred of his dignity remained.
With all that being said, Walter White is not only awarded, but truly deserves the Bad Ass Dad of the year.
HONORABLE MENTION: PARENTHOOD – Adam, Crosby, Joel, and Zeek – THE GO TO’S
These guys are your typical fathers with a lot of issues that seem extremely normal all at the same time. These are the kind of people where you want every person on the show to be your Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Grandparent, or whomever. You just want them in your life, period.
Adam is the dad that takes challenges as they come and handles them flawlessly. However, there is the occasional punch in the face for people that make fun of his kid, but overall it is completely justified.
Crosby is your comic relief Dad. He keeps all the situations light and ending in a smile.
Joel is as sweet as can be, but if he suspects any hints of infidelity he will immediately blow it out of proportion despite the intentions. In at least one scenario viewers find themselves on his side; viewers are left with mixed emotions.
Zeek is just awesome. His timing with giving advice or delivering a snarky joke is perfect; he just seems to get life. Not only is he a father of four but also a grandfather of nine and for two of those grandchildren he acts as their main father figure as well. Zeek has countless years being a parent and plays the role well.
These dads have earned the All American Fathers Award.
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